Hey, guess what? I'm still here. I know, shocking! Where have I been for so long? Here, forgetting that this blog even still exists. Every once in a while I think of something and say to myself, "that would make an excellent blog post". But do I remember that topic for more than fifteen minutes? No. Definitely not. Yet another reason that my minimal attention span and short-term memory loss are such annoying characteristics I possess.

I just got though a pretty wild week of extra hours at work, several tests, and some pretty unfortunate homework assignments. I vowed if I could make it through that week I could accomplish anything. Success - I'm still breathing. Please remind me that I wrote that when finals role around in a couple months and I'm ripping my hair out. I also have some interesting news ... I have officially changed my major. GASP! I know, I never thought it would happen either, especially at the beginning of this semester when I was so psyched about getting closer to taking more exciting cooking classes. I am now a Dietetics major ... I've really just realized how interested I am in nutrition and generally in well-being. I have made a lot of changes in my life and my diet over the last few years, and after losing over 70 lbs myself, I've realized I want to help people make better choices and live their lives to their full potential. Don't worry though, I will never cease my obsession with making delicious, non-healthy, life-changing food.

Now that you've fallen asleep and drifted back to you high-school health class, I'll move to more entertaining and worthwhile topics ... ? Like coffee. I bought Vanilla Biscotti flavored coffee a couple weeks ago and my taste buds have now found themselves residing in heaven. Speaking of heaven - go to Starbucks right now, and get a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Thank me later for that suggestion. They are just as spectacular as ever. Maybe I just love that caffeinated combination as much as I do because I honestly love Autumn and everything associated with these three months.

I'm reading Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot at the moment. It's a great book. My stress level has been running high recently - I'm honestly not sure why - but the short devotionals she wrote are so encouraging. She really takes me back to the basics of Christianity and reminds me about the importance of simplicity. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by theology and all the forms of Bible interpretation ... You know? It's good to be simple for a change and just be reminded of God's awing mercy and love; it puts my often-selfish attitude in its place.

I hope your week is spectacular. :)

Matthew 22:37

The Christian Ministries building on campus boasts this verse on the side in large letters that I see every time I walk to my dorm. It's hard to ignore. You know it - "Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." We're focusing on the heart tonight.
Well known - yes. However, I'm sure this verse is so often overlooked. People focus more on the simplicity of the words then how to apply it. How can that be possible when I find this verse to be as heavy as I do. With ALL my heart? Mission impossible? Maybe. So much gets in the way of giving my whole heart to the Creator. I want to give Him some space in my heart, yeah. No problem. But wait, I'll just shove him in there with that habit I have, and this guy I'm interested in. There's space enough for everything, right?

The last couple of months haven't been easy for me. Some things I felt sure and secure about kind of fell apart and I realized how absolutely captivated I had been by these situations. I had given so much priority to them that when they were gone, I realized that I didn't exactly know who I was anymore. I had slowly been unknowingly giving away my heart, piece by piece to inessential goals. I was really shocked to find myself so damaged and hurt. The satisfaction I thought I was getting from material relationships suddenly showed it's true colors - so unsatisfying and temporary. I get attached easily. Not just to people - I cling to consistency, comfort, dreams, wants ... the like. I've always been like that. When I get my heart set on something, it's difficult for me to give it up.

The road over the past few months has been long, and it's not been easy. It's coming though. Slowly I'm breaking though the selfish desires I've filled my heart up with to seek my Savior's will. I've seen so clearly how destructive it is to push towards what I want without stopping to seek what God wants. I'm in the here and now. He's seen tomorrow and beyond. I'm glad He doesn't sit up there and guess about how things will turn out. He knows.

Granola

Home for the week. I always forget how much I love Arkansas this time of year. The honeysuckle is in full bloom and the humidity forces every ounce of fragrance out of the sweet blossoms. The sunsets are an exaggerated explosion of orange and red. Incredible.
Finals week finally surrendered it's fury and I still have a fair amount of sanity left to my name. Looks like it's a four 'A's and one 'B' semester - I'm psyched! It was a lot homework and late nights but it's paid off.
On Sunday (15th) I'm headed back to school to begin my sprint though the summer. I'll be working 13 straight weeks of 40-hours each back at CofO. This fact I've been avoiding and dreading for the entire semester. While it will pay for my entire school year's room and board fees, I'm still wishing for Barakel to somehow magically include itself in these plans. I've worked there every summer since my freshman year of high school. It feels like the end of an important phase of my life that I just don't want to end. Who knows, maybe, and hopefully, God will lead me back there sometime in the future to work at the position I've always wanted - ES Programming. He's orchestrated my acceptance into CofO's summer work program, I'm just praying for a peace contentment that Missouri is where He wants me for Summer 2011. I WILL be working in the Bakery in the lodge though - SO awesome :)

For about an entire month I've been craving 4 specific items. Peanut Butter. Strawberry Jam. Breakfast Casserole. And Barakel's homemade granola. Not sure why, but it's only been these four things. I'm crazy I guess ... no, I know I'm insane. The PB and jam were easily remedied. When I got home on Saturday I was dead set on making Breakfast Casserole for dinner some night. I found a delicious recipe for Strata (casserole with cubed French Bread, eggs, cheese, etc) and modified it to deliciousness. I used about half the called for French Bread and added sauteed green peppers and sweet onions. Eggs, bacon, milk, cheese ... let it all drench the French Bread overnight and the next day it's heaven. YUM.
And the granola ... yes, a minor obsession of mine. Quaker just doesn't compare with the homemade edible gold they make at Camp. So - where better to find the recipe then the Barakel cookbook itself. Basically the only addition I made was about 3/4 tsp of ground cinnamon. My house now smells like honey and cinnamon have taken aromatic form just to delight my sense of smell. I just tried it - ahh .... it's been too long my delicious granola. Crunchy, crispy and sweet. Tasty.

Thanks for reading! Bye friends :)

He is Risen!

Happy Easter! It was a fantastic day, in spite of the indecisive weather. Thunderstorms, wind ... and an overabundance of rain. I drove back to school tonight in what I'm pretty sure was a 120 mile long car wash. On the bright side, my car looks all sparkly now!

Easter dinner was left to my eager hands. I haven't been cooking much in recent days so I've been sadly lacking in my creative outlet. Planning our menu was priority numero uno. Ham - obviously. With a delicious glaze consisting of mustard, maple syrup, Coke, and brown sugar. The tanginess of the mustard and the sweetness of the maple syrup made a perfect pair and complemented each other so nicely.
A layer salad is a staple at any holiday meal for my family. I always double the dill weed in the dressing though - definitely one of my all-time favorite spices. I had an unusual craving for roasted califlower and asparagus. Never had that craving before ... definitely a first. The cauliflower was coated with olive oil, garlic and sea salt. Olive oil and thyme on the asparagus. 425 degrees and 25 minutes later was heaven. Crunchy, but tender at the same time.
Challah is my specialty. I thought this Jewish sweet bread is hard to improve on, but then I discovered the ultimate version of it. I replaced half of the oil with oil-rich flax seed. It made it hearty and oh so much healthier. YUM. Normally it contains quite a bit of refined sugar, but 2/3 cup of honey made the bread all the denser and way sweeter. These modifications are definitely keepers.
I made a souffle in my food class about a month ago. I decided to try this daring fete for my family at home. The broccoli cheese souffle turned out light, fluffy, and oh so tasty. Of course, I let it sit too long before we ate it, and it fell to about half it's size. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

This weekend was great, I love just being able to escape from the busyness of campus and go home where it's ... quiet. Oh the things you miss when you live in a dorm with 15 million other girls. It's definitely becoming harder and harder to come back to CofO after going home though. Busy week ahead of me ... I'm pretty sure all my teachers have conspired to make all my assignments due on the same two days. That sure was nice of them. Yay life!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." - 1 Peter 1:3

So after a two day babysitting marathon with my two nieces, I have a new found appreciation for mothers. It's crazy what an insane job keeping track of children is. While I was wiping gravy off my 1-year-old niece Ava while 2-year-old Marin was running wild, I couldn't help but think about single parents with multiple children. Only through God's grace keeps those poor parents moving. My 20-year-old self slowly realized through this experience that there is no way I am ready for kids of my own yet. I love those two girls to death; I love Marin's giggle, and Ava's adorable grin. I also love that when one of them starts crying, I can gently point them in the direction of their mother. :-)

Spring Break has been interesting so far. Mostly I have spent those two days corraling my nieces, and now I'm taking it easy. I'll be working back at my old job for three days before heading back to school. Right now I'm enjoying the 80-degree breeze leisurely traveling through my house and the faint scent of carmelized onions. That aroma is a gift from God. While I was glancing through the freezer today, the frozen pot pies and chicken strips just weren't speaking my name ... nope, no frozen food for this girl. Okay, the shredded cheese was frozen. Now melted. One thing you may not know about me is that I am mildly famous for my pizza. Not bragging, speaking a simple fact ... The fact that I'm home alone did not deter me from my craving for Italian ... Leftover bacon, pepperoni, and ham joined the caramelized onions and became a delicious combination. Haha, I make it sound so dramatic ... I'm sorry I have the awkward-est writing style known to man. This is cooking for me though ... never too dramatic, always theatrical.
I'm pretty sure this pizza is going to last me until I head back to school this weekend. YES. So yeah, that's about it! Happy cooking.

So ... midterms entered and left with an equal amount of drama. It was pretty interesting to see people walking around for about 6 days with their books smashed to their faces, studying every possible second. I may have seen a few students run into trees or other various people while cramming on their way to exams. Classic. The weather has been pretty delicious for the past few days. Spring is really trying to give winter a run for it's money ... Marchs' fury is still trying to make a final stand, however. Now I'm sitting in my room doing homework with a warm breeze coming through my window. It smells divine - fresh grass and someone grilling somewhere around here sounds about right.

Now that midterms are a thing of the past, I thought I could give my brain a break. American Experience isn't occupying the forefront of my mind as much now, but college really presents a lot more to focus on. I'm so confused about a lot of things right now. I like order ... try to stay away from too much change. I thrive on routines. Multiple curveballs have been thrown at me over the past couple weeks and I'm struggling. Struggling to make decisions and evaluate things slowly and not too rashly. People confuse me. Sometimes I wish you could figure out one or two people, and know after that exactly how everyone would act and react about things. I feel like when I finally feel like I know what's going on, something crazy happens! Life is bending and pushing me right now ... not comfortable ... but it's necessary. God works in circumstances like this.

Spring break is in a couple days ... having my house to myself doesn't sound super exciting ... most likely I'll just invade my kitchen and cook everything imaginable for about 10 days.

Oh, the feeling you get on Monday morning when you realize Friday will probably never arrive. You know, that college student realization that makes you almost cry? Well, I am a living testament that Friday actually will arrive - It's Friday night ... Praise the Lord. I'm done with my classes for the weekend now so I'm in my room, playing Taylor Swift songs on my guitar and enjoying the opportunity of doing absolutely zero homework.

I made my first ever soufflé in food lab this week. Well - I assisted, I can't take full credit for that absolute work of genius. It was light, foamy, creamy, and every other wonderful descriptive word you can imagine :) I'm so proud we were able to master such a picky and tedious French dish.

This week has been pretty crazy. I was quite positive that the test I took today was going to mark the hour of my execution; death row was calling my name in the form of my American Experience exam. As it turns out, Mr. Kneeshaw was feeling quite generous and the test wasn't as bad as I thought - So typical. I always freak out for nothing. Gotta be consistent - you know. Thankfully my constant focus on Federalism and the War of 1812 has finally ceased. This is a work weekend for me, so while the typical college student catches some extra precious minutes of sleep, my alarm is ringing at 4:30am. At that hour, there is absolutely nowhere a human should be except still in bed drooling on their pillow. Yeah - I'm filling the sanitizer sink and putting the dish machine together. Think of me while you're tucked under your warm blankets!

Hasn't this weather been magical? There's no better word to describe it. Thank you Jesus :). 70 degrees in mid-February is a miracle. My flip-flops are finally seeing the light of day once more.
There's an extraordinary sunset happening outside my dorm at the moment. I love having a West facing room - watching the sun set is fantastic, especially since I live on a sweet overlook. Don't be too jealous.
So that's it. Thanks for reading my awkward posts. Have an absolutely magical weekend.
Peace out from Memorial 222

It's February.

Hey.

It's me. Currently I'm consuming Simply Apple and chilling (literally, it's freezing) in my closet of a dorm room. The first month of college life has come and went already. I'm starting to emerge out of my procrastinating ways to actually prepare for tests and get homework assignments done on time. Those 6am's up at Keeter twice a week definitely take a toll on my sanity and energy levels but I'm adjusting to it slowly.

Life is interesting right now. I'm slowly getting to know people better. I spend the majority of my social time with my Character Camp family still, we all get along pretty good and somehow ALWAYS end up talking about relationships in one form or another. It cracks me up. Has anyone seen Sanctum? I think we might go see that this weekend. So I did yoga for the first time like last week. Sitting cross-legged with my palms up practicing breathing seemed pretty awkward at the beginning, but seriously - it's worth the awkwardness. I felt so relaxed I probably could've fallen asleep right on the linoleum floor. You should definitely try it.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that going back to Barakel for the summer probably won't be an option. Unless of course, God intervenes - and don't get me wrong, I know He is completely capable of doing so. The four digit number of money I need for the next school year is really looming over my head. CofO has a Summer Work Program that would cover all my room and board charges for the following year. Equaling like a $16-per-hour job. It's a great opportunity, but my mind keeps going back to Barakel. My wall of pictures from last summer keep everything really fresh in my mind and keeps pulling me back there. I wish things could be different. I wish money didn't have to be so important. God has just really reminded me though that He will use me wherever He sees fit to dump me for the summer. I want Him to use me any way he can. Whether that be in Michigan or misery ... err, Missouri! :-)

I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. ATTENTION: THIS BOOK IS A MUST-READ. Here's just a glimpse of the powerful truths this author brings forward in his book.
"...you have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to sin. When you are pursuing love, running toward Christ, you do not have the opportunity to wonder, Am I doing this right? or Did I serve enough this week? When you are running toward Christ, you are freed up to serve, love, and give thanks without guilt, worry, or fear. As long as you are running, you are safe." - Francis Chan

Goodnight from Memorial #222.

Chillin' in Bobcat Country

It's hard to believe it's only been three weeks since I arrived at College of the Ozarks ... more like three months seems more accurate as the time goes pretty slow. The first week was a whirlwind of craziness they fondly call Character Camp. As soon as I got here I basically threw my stuff in my room and the week was underway. I was in "Family 3" - everything reminded me so much of a week at Barakel. I mistakenly referred to my "Family" as my tribe every once in a while. We had a blast together.

So we had a week of bonding before classes took off. It was good to get established and have a few people I could call friends before I had to think about work and homework. Yeah, work - I should tell you about that. Most of you probably know that my school is a work school. So ... what does that mean exactly? I work 15 hours a week to help pay for my tuition. Yeah, this school is debt-free. Everything I don't earn towards my tuition is covered by a scholarship. You really can't beat it.

I found out I'd be working at the Keeter Center as a "steward". I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, so I asked. Basically I found out that it's a glorified term for a dishwasher. They probably didn't want to freak out the new students by telling them they'd be washing dishes all semester, so they called us stewards. Clever. My alarm goes off at 4:45 on the mornings I work, and I'm pretty sure it should be illegal to get up at that ungodly hour of the day. I'm not gonna lie - it was hard for me to finally get to be working in a 4-star commercial restaurant, with all the incredible equipment and gourmet food ... and be stuck in the dish pit. Jeremiah 29:11 has been so encouraging to me. The plans He has for me are not to harm me - but to help me prosper. There IS a reason I'm scrubbing out burned gravy from the bottoms of pots day-after-day. Do I know why I'm up to my elbows in tomato sauce for duration of this semester? Heck no. But He does. You know what? ... that's good enough for me.

Heading into a crazy week now - ciao.